Well, as I promised earlier, I'm going to try and write something that's review-ish because why the fuck not. Won't be able to talk about all the games at once, because then this would be a looong post and I'd have a looong and boring rant. I'll feed you with this, little by little, just like a mother feeds her baby on spoon. I have some spare time on my hands, and you're probably not really interested in how I got it, so let's begin.
BEFORE YOU CONTINUE READING HAVE IN MIND THAT THIS POST MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS ABOUT THE GAME SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
So, where to start? Well, firstly, as much as I hate to admit it, but this is the first game franchise that got me up in a bunch so much that I can't even begin to describe it. I mean, I literally spent hundreds of hours ingame... At first, I hated it, for no good reason (I guess I hated almost everything that my ex was playing), and then when I got involved again, I heard my current boyfriend talking about it day and night. I would just roll my eyes and continue to ignore the oh so awesome stories of Commander Shepard. I didn't. Fucking. Care. You couldn't make me play it. Nu-uh. No way.
And then my boyfriend bought me a new laptop. That I could play games on. And he installed Mass Effect... And that was the end of my hate-fest.
So, what happens next? I start playing it. Well, now that I'm here with a hella lot experience in the game, I can surely say that you just can't get to know the game and the full story and everything in just one playtrough. But, on my first try, I didn't actually realize that choices in the game were that - crucial... So I randomized the answers and got a complete mess out of the ending. I was damn confused.
So, my boyfriend explains to me the paragon/renegade system et cetera, and then, on my second playthrough I got everything as I planned. Another thing I should mention is that I got the ending of the trilogy spoiled even when my ex boyfriend was playing it. That's why I wasn't even that excited on my first playthrough. But, on the second try, I realized something: I missed a few things, a few conversations, a few missions, a few planets, a few somethings... You always have that one thing... It's just so amazing.
At the beginning, it took me a lot to adjust to the game. You know, full FPS hand - finger position on the freakin' keyboard (I'm sorry, I'm poor and don't have an x box), and just to spice things up, I chose the infiltrator class, because, well, they're awesome! FYI, up until now I played all of the games at least twice (Mass Effect & Mass Effect 2 - 3 times, and ME3 twice) and never have I changed the class. Infiltrator all the way. It was chosen by accident, but I fell in love with it nonetheless. It was damn hard to get used to the recoil and that shaky thing at the beginning when you zoom in, but I got the hang of it, as everything else in the game.
Well, about technicalities, I have nothing big to talk about. Actually, there is one thing, yeah it has bugs, especially if you play it on a computer with a win7 os, but I got over it and managed to finish it. So, I just got used to my character and teammates just randomly disappearing in missions, or getting pixelized or whatever not. It was hilarious, for what it's worth. I had one mission, on Noveria I think, where I would drive the Mako, the most awesome thing ever, and the whole landscape was just black pixels! So I could't fucking see where I was going, and to make things worse, you could die if you fell in... Something, I don't know what, it was all just black! So I had to memorize the whole route like I was blind in an trial - error mission! Hilarious when you talk about it, REALLY annoying when you play it.
So now, I want to talk about characters. Firstly, Commander Shepard, of course. I played with both male and female Shepards, but of course, I'm a lot more fond of the femShep, which is reasonable, since I'm a girly girl. (this was the part where I made a pause in writing to watch some videos of cute dogs and cats, I swear)
Depending on the background story and all your choices, you get kind of different Shepards, but they are actually not that much different. Because if you had randomized answers like I did at the beginning, and they would go from one extreme to another, you would have a hero with a tough case of bipolar disease. But it's not the case, actually, all of the answers are pretty well balanced, and even if it seems cruel to choose a renegade answer, you pretty much realize, that deep down in yourself you wanted it to be even more extreme (if you came to a conclusion that you want some motherfucker suffering, which you certainly will after some time of playing the game).
So, he, or she is very much like an empty shell waiting for you to fill it up with some attitude.
Which is cool. Not a lot of games leave you the choice of having a totally unique character.
Now considering I'm a Sims freak, I absolutely hate the appearance settings. There isn't much there to edit. Even the facial reconstruction bars don't do much actually. When I played with male Shepard, I left the default look because I don't know what the hell am I going to do with the settings, and with the female Shepard, I was just ... Frustrated. I wanted to make a space diva, but yeah, I was being too optimistic. So I made the sexy redhead from the covers. Good enough. I realized, yes, she is a middle aged woman in the military, you can't have a fucking prom dress and Beyonce's hair, and I came to peace with that... But, black lipstick and strong blush is available?! Who in the hell would wear that in the military? I really don't know what the designers were thinking. You don't know shit about girls, that's what.
Now, to prevent myself from going way too far into detail, I'll continue to leave a few short comments on the rest of the main characters before I make a final statement... Wow I feel so pro.
So, first things first, Kaidan. Kaidan Alenko is the biggest wuss in the galaxy (wow, what a start). I romanced him on the first try, it was romantic and so on, but he is one of the most pathetic characters I've ever encountered. His sad puppy eyes and the way he talks, it's so annoying from time to time, I wish there is an option to punch him in the face. He's nice, supportive, and pretty much the one boring boyfriend. Only thing good is that he makes an awesome squad mate. But no matter what happens, I always save him on the last misison. Why? Because the one character I hate more than Kaidan is fucking Ashley Williams. Why? What I hate more that patheticism is racism. End of story. Kaidan is pathetic. Ashley is just plain annoying. She's this military asshole who thinks humans are above everyone. Well, sorry sweetheart, but then what the fuck are you doing on the Normandy with a bunch of aliens on board? Scoot along and join UNICEF or something.
The first character that came to my liking and that I enjoyed romancing is Liara T'soni. And I went full lesbian on her. Her cool and calm personality is just a herb to all your wounds. And you can go lesbian on her. Did I mention you can romance her with a female? Yeah, ok, I'll stop. She's like a kitten that you just want to stay in and cuddle with all day long. And her freckles... That's one detail that makes her so adorable. If she was human I imagined her like some cute ginger nerd. Would still bang. (Also, did you notice that she's one of the rare Asari that have eyebrows? Intriguing.)
The rest of the crew had little to none effect on me (no pun intended), except Wrex, Garrus, Tali and Joker. They all seemed cool to me and I really liked them. Wrex and Garrus were like my homies, if they were human I would fist bump and then butt bump them to say hello or something, and Tali was like a little sister, I could totally imagine them sitting and gossiping at a slumber party. And Joker is just badass with a slight case of a hero complex, but we all love him. Yeah, that kind of sums up my vision of the crew.
There were no major character developments, nor anything in particular that field, but that's hardly noticeable considering that the game has so much more to offer.
Cut scenes show that much more effort was put into them, especially the ones where they introduce you to a new planet or space station, Citadel, or galaxy in general, which is awesome, and soothing to the eye. Being able to represent that abyss in all it's beauty is almost impossible, and Bioware, you've outdone yourself there.
There are a lot of scenes where the characters get cross eyed or squint eyed. It's very funny when you look at it, especially when there's some serious shit going on. Here they are talking about geth and all of a sudden Shepard gets cross eyed and says: "We needz to save teh galaxy!" Derp.
Something else I've noticed, and that bothers me though, is the way that characters talk. Humans seem like they always have cramps in their cheeks, always talking in a half smile and sometimes the syllables just don't add up to the way their mouth moves. Krogan and Turians, Jesus Christ I have no idea how they talk. It's like we have a talking frog with teeth here, not sure how they imagined that. Turians on the other hand make the least sense to me because of the freaking hole in their head they have, they don't have cheeks, for fuck sake, how can they make the same sounds as human? Woah, went a little overboard there. Sorry.
Next, we have music. The soundtrack from the first game has fucking thirty fucking seven EPIC tracks that were all composed by Richard Jacques, Jack Wall & Sam Hulick. Guys, I leave my everything to you. You can have my heart and soul and everything for creating such an amazing sountrack. It invokes feeling such as melancholy and just makes you think about the void of space, the emptiness, and the possibilities. On the other hand other tracks make you sit at the edge of your seat while playing a tough mission or watching a tense scene. Or, even make you cry at an emotional scene. You didn't cry? Bull crap.
Okay, so, what do reviewers actually do now? Rate from 1 to 10 or something?
Not in my book. I'm gonna hand out medals.
So, graphics are usually first. I'll leave the best for last. Let's just say I can't be the optimal measurement of the graphics review because I didn't play it in optimal circumstances. But, I simply adore the character design, the aliens are so much diverse and they're something you've never seen in earlier space stories or whatever. Maybe the Star Wars freaks have something to say about that but I don't really care, I think the designs are pretty genuine and unique. The game though lacks more human faces. Aliens, we can endure, just change the colour of their uniform (if they wear any) and minor adjustments will make it unique, but side character humans are made from the same templates, and you can notice that. In one mission you see a girl with short brown hair, in the next that same girl with the same hair, just.. Black. The game lacks diversity in side characters. But, on the other hand, they are just side characters, irrelevant to the story, so I see the explanation in not putting the spotlight on their appearance.
Cut scenes show that much more effort was put into them, especially the ones where they introduce you to a new planet or space station, Citadel, or galaxy in general, which is awesome, and soothing to the eye. Being able to represent that abyss in all it's beauty is almost impossible, and Bioware, you've outdone yourself there.
There are a lot of scenes where the characters get cross eyed or squint eyed. It's very funny when you look at it, especially when there's some serious shit going on. Here they are talking about geth and all of a sudden Shepard gets cross eyed and says: "We needz to save teh galaxy!" Derp.
Something else I've noticed, and that bothers me though, is the way that characters talk. Humans seem like they always have cramps in their cheeks, always talking in a half smile and sometimes the syllables just don't add up to the way their mouth moves. Krogan and Turians, Jesus Christ I have no idea how they talk. It's like we have a talking frog with teeth here, not sure how they imagined that. Turians on the other hand make the least sense to me because of the freaking hole in their head they have, they don't have cheeks, for fuck sake, how can they make the same sounds as human? Woah, went a little overboard there. Sorry.
So, without further a due, here's the rating:
Three medals for graphics/character design.
(Gosh I feel so proud of myself)
 |
| Derp. So Shepard. Many geth. Wow. |
I'm not gonna be really objective here, but fuck you , this is my blog I can do whatever I want.
Four medals for soundtrack because it simply kicks ass.
And last, but not least, the rating on the story. Mass Effect trilogy isn't just something you play, finish and then forget about. It really impacts you in a way I cannot describe it. The story is just consuming, it pulls you in deeper and deeper that you just become a part of it. That's what a grat game does, it makes you feel like you're part of it, not just a person looking at what's happening from the side, and that's what makes this game really unique. When I played Tomb Raider for instance, I merely felt like the person who was looking for a way to help Lara Croft out to solve the mysteries, of, I don't know, some ancient relic, or how did her mother die or something. You see some flashbacks, and you think: "Poor Lara, going through all that at a young age like that.", for instance. But in this game, you experience everything on a very personal level. If someone offends Shepard, you feel offended, if someone hurts a Shepards friend, you feel the need to revenge that friend, et cetera.
Story development is really amazing. It has a few twists and turns just to keep you on the edge, enough action, and, even besides all that, you have a few minutes to be - well, human for a while, and indulge in some... Stuff.
So, without hesitation:
Five fucking stars for the story.
Because lesbians.
Well, I hope you enjoyed reading, and I might come back very soon to bring you part 2.
I SHOULD GO.
